How To Resolve A Conflict With A Coworker And Move On

Having a conflict with a coworker can make your work environment extremely difficult to be in.

There’s a fine line between conflicts and toxic work environments.

It’s best to resolve situations quickly and on your own if possible before they escalate to higher levels.

I’m sharing five steps that I’ve utilized in the past to resolve a conflict with a coworker. The end goal is ultimately a positive outcome that moves you both towards eliminating any future issues.

Step One – Take A Step Back And Reflect

Take thirty minutes and reflect on everything that has happened.

Pull out a piece of paper and start a timeline of events. What was the first memory you have of you and the coworker not seeing eye to eye? Start there and create a timeline of events. Do you see an escalation pattern?

If this is a recent, single event, write down what you feel happened from the start of the conflict. If there are certain things that were said that you can remember word for word because they bothered you, write those things down.

Try to look at this from an outsider’s perspective. You will be tempted to write down everything the other person did incorrectly and what they said that perhaps set you off a bit. Take a step back and write your reflection from the point of view of a person looking in on the conversation.

Do you remember any gestures, motions, or facial expressions either one of you made that was positive or negative? Body language is such an overlooked piece of the puzzle. Make sure you’re documenting any of those actions that may have had an impact on the other person.

Identify things that you said that you could have worded differently. Again, look at it from both perspectives. Identify things that your coworker could have worded differently as well.

Step Two – Plan And Conduct A Private Talk With Your Coworker

The worst thing either one of you could do is blast your situation over email. If there are already emails going back and forth accusing one or the other of certain things, stop that immediately.

My kid once asked me “why do I always have to be the bigger person?”. I told her because she is the bigger person and it will pay off in the long run.

Some conflicts we can walk away from, block that person on social media because it’s that simple, and move on without a second glance. This is your work environment – an environment that you report to almost daily. Being the bigger person and addressing the situation professionally will only help you succeed as you move forward in your career.

All of that being said, plan a conversation with your coworker. The goal is to resolve the outstanding tension you have between you two. You want an environment where you both feel comfortable.

Looking back at your notes, come up with some bullet points such as:

• What you could have said differently.
• How you can see how your coworker could have misinterpreted what you said and how you should have corrected it then and there.
• (Without attacking) What your coworker said or did that upset you and how you may have taken it the wrong way (Give your coworker the benefit of the doubt).
• How you don’t want either one of you to be the subject of office gossip.
• Your thoughts on how to resolve the conflict and move forward.
  • This may include:
    • Collaborating on a project.
    • Having another meeting to calmly sort through the details of the conflict.
    • Coming to an understanding that you both disagreed, and it’s ok to disagree as long as it’s done in a professional manner

Step Three – Having The Talk

Make sure you have plenty of time blocked off for this meeting. Keep it in a private setting where other people won’t try to listen in.

Your coworker may feel attacked if you attempt to talk in the open, so note the importance of keeping the conversation private.

Reflect on your original notes and bullet talking points before the meeting. Plan some alone time so you can calm any nerves you may have.

Remember to keep your cool throughout the entire conversation.

Although your coworker may not be a close friend, show compassion like they are one.

Show them sympathy and understanding. Try to gain some trust by potentially helping them with something they’ve been working on.

Also, make sure you allow your coworker share their feelings first. Be an active listener while your coworker is speaking. Avoid interrupting as your coworker hopefully shares all of their feelings and point of view with you.

After your coworker has gotten everything off their chest, take your turn. Without being confrontational, express your feelings on what happened. Take moments to pause as necessary and add in some comments regarding how you could have done something differently.

Step Four – Find A Resolution

Once both parties have shared, collaborate and find a resolution to the conflict that you are both happy with. Hopefully it’s something you both can give a little bit on and resolve yourselves.

This may include involving outside parties such as a manager or the human resources department, depending on the original conflict.

You may have to give a little more than you want, but know that resolving the conflict needs to be done in order to move forward and get this off your plate.

Check out Psychology Today’s article on How To Find A Solution After An Argument for some great tips on working out a resolution.

Step Five – Come To An Understanding

Surely your coworker does not want conflict at the workplace as much as you do not want conflict at your workplace.

Talk to your coworker and see what you can do in the future to resolve issues like this before they become problematic.

Do you know each other’s responsibilities and how the other may play a part in them? If there are some deeper, blurry lines, resolving them now will help mitigate any future conflict.

Let your coworker know that you truly do not want any bad light shed on either one of you. Also, you want to be able to resolve these problems in the future without anyone ever knowing that there was a disagreement.

You’re on the same team and your final goals are aligned.

Final Thoughts On A Conflict With A Coworker

Mean girls in the workplace is a real thing. If you do all the right things and the conflict is still there, involve someone else.

Remember to keep your calm through the entire situation.

Occasionally, you will disagree with your coworkers and that’s perfectly normal.

Managers and other coworkers will remember conflicts that are not immediately resolved. Try to take care of the situation privately and promptly.

If you have multiple people you are in a conflict with, you may be the common problem. Take a step back and look to see if there are any personal characteristics you can improve on or get feedback from others.

Finally, remember that a conflict with a coworker can interfere with performance increases or promotions. The sooner you can resolve them, the better for your future.