Dealing with Financial Peer Pressure from your friends isn’t something that’s easy to do. This article is for those who are stressed about friends and family pressuring them to live up to their spending habits.
Are you on a budget?
Do you have financial goals that you are trying to meet?
Are you saving for something special?
Whatever the reason – you need people surrounding you that are a positive influence in your life. Your money decisions are just that – your decisions. Your friends should be thrilled and supportive with your savvy decisions for your future.
The “Shopping is My Hobby!” Friend
Got a friend that loves to shop and wants you to tag along?
Tag all you want if you do have enjoyment doing this and you aren’t spending more than your budget allows. However, putting yourself in this situation is a recipe for disaster. You most likely will find something you feel you have to buy.
I have often heard the advice that you should wait twenty-four hours before you buy something. By the time twenty-four hours is up, you may decide not to spend the money. I believe this is true, but why even put yourself in this agony?
If shopping is your best friend’s hobby, you need her to find a new one that you can participate in.
If she’s pressuring you into buying things with her, that’s a friend that needs a serious talking to. Have you shared your financial big picture with her? Does she know the reasons behind your current spending decisions?
I may get a few side eyed glances from this comment, but the best hobby you can have while you are trying to save money and stick to a budget is… Anything that contributes to your income. There are tons of jobs out there that people consider hobbies. Could you and your friend try to start up your own resale business? If this friend has this much money to blow on shopping, perhaps she would be willing to invest that money into a small business you both could contribute to.
The “I’m Broke” Friend
I had one of these in my life. She actually pretended to be a saver. Or at least she tried to be. She had envelopes of cash and when that cash was gone, she did not have any more for the month.
However, that didn’t stop this friend from going out.
We went out to dinner and she asked me to pay.
We went to a bar and she looked for a guy she could get to buy her drinks.
She actually texted me once and asked if I could Venmo her $20 for gas.
This friend was AMAZING in all other aspects. However, I was a new mom and I couldn’t afford to keep doing these things with/for her. I was a people pleaser for a long time and felt the need to do things for her in her time of need. But what about my needs?
Once you say yes to helping someone, it becomes easier for them to ask again.
These types of friends need lines drawn. I am absolutely not saying break off the friendship, but set limits. Tell her you can’t go out due to saving, but you’d love to hang out at your place. Try to keep yourself out of situations where you will be stuck paying.
If you are ever directly asked for money, say you don’t loan out money. Don’t make excuses – she’ll take that as you being honest and she’ll ask again at another point.
If you’re in a situation where the friend is pressuring you and you feel uncomfortable, that’s the point where you consider if this is truly a friendship that you want/need in your life.
The “Meet Me For Dinner!” Friend
Some gals out there eat out constantly.
Dinners (+ drinks) at restaurants add up extremely quickly. If you’re in budget / saving mode, you’ve most likely made a budget for eating out every month.
I doubt that budget would be able to accommodate multiple nights out with the same person each week. You’ve got other people that occasionally want to eat out. Some days, you don’t want to cook and you don’t want your budget to be depleted early into the month.
Spending time with your with friends is important. You need and deserve this every now and then.
Your friend definitely needs to know that you’re on a budget so she can be respectful when choosing where you will meet up. Don’t put her in a situation where she chose somewhere expensive and now you have to ask her to pick somewhere else.
Know what your limits are and accommodate them.
Perhaps if you can find places that are cheaper, you can go once every two weeks and make it work with the budget you have set.
Switch up nights at your houses where you cook a little extra for the additional guest. Have monthly gatherings with lots of friends at someone’s house and make it a pot luck.
The important thing is having open communication with your friend. Some nights you may have to go back to your place and you whip up something for the both of you. She should have just as much of a blast with you in your home as she does with you in a restaurant. Get dressed up…take some pictures… Most likely she will respect what you’re asking and tone down her going out nights in order to get some one-on-one time with you.
The “I’m Having A Destination Wedding!” Friend
Congratulations to the happy couple!
In every case I’ve heard of, this happy couple does not plan to pay for your hotel room, your plane ticket, or your expenses while you are on this trip.
This needs to be considered a vacation. Did you budget enough in your vacation fund for a destination wedding that isn’t yours? Are you prepared to not be able to take additional vacations due to this wedding?
Make sure to consider all the costs before you RSVP yes. Once you arrive at the destination and your pals are there, you may feel pressure to go on some excursions you did not plan in your budget.
You won’t be the first person in history to turn down a destination wedding, believe me. Again, be open about your situation. If it’s a close friend, she already knows that you’re looking at your expenses right now and cutting where cuts can be made, not adding things.
If she isn’t a close enough friend to know your financial goals, decline to attend. Destination weddings are amazing – but not everyone wants their vacation to be at a wedding with people they didn’t choose to be around.
Key Takeaways When Dealing With Financial Peer Pressure
- Be open with your communication with your friends. Don’t put them in a situation where they are asking you to do things that are out of your budget.
- Suggesting another activity is ok and may be an even better idea than they had in the first place
- You aren’t spending money while you’re making money. Would any of your friends consider taking up a hobby with you? You’d get some ‘girl time’ in and work on earning some extra cash. Making and selling items on Etsy, walking dogs, starting a blog…
- Some people just don’t get it. This was not meant to be a post suggesting that you cut ties with your friends over money. However, relationships with some friends may change after they learn of your financial goals and decisions.
- Don’t be a pushover. Friends don’t walk over friends in relationships or with money. Make sure your friendship is a healthy one and set boundaries if it’s questionable.
- Don’t put yourself in situations that may result in impulse spending. It’s best to stop the situation before you’re faced with a difficult decision.
- Don’t cut out fun things completely – it’s important to socialize and reward yourself. Make sure it’s in your budget and if it’s not, rearrange the plans to fit what works best for you.
- Check out our article on things to do when you’re trying to save money. These ideas would be great to do with a friend.
- Let close friends be on the journey with you! If you’re focused on paying off student loans, car loans, anything, let them know how much you have to go and let them share in your success! You may motivate them to join you on your journey to financial happiness.
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