What To Do When Your Coworkers Are Mean Girls

Your coworkers are mean girls and you’re tired of it.

I would like to be able to say that mean girls disappear after high school, but they don’t.

If you find yourself stuck in a situation dealing with a mean girl or a few mean girls at your place of employment, it isn’t a healthy situation.

You can’t keep going on letting someone treat you or others without respect.

Let’s identify what you can do when your coworkers are mean girls.

What is The Definition of a Mean Girl

The following are all traits of a Mean Girl:

• She throws you under the bus. She’ll do anything to get one step ahead of you when it comes to career, personal life, or financial gain.
• She criticizes or belittles you or those around her. Examples of criticism would include disapproving of someone’s work attire or performance on a particular work project.
• She doesn’t make eye contact.
• It seems like a chore to speak to you or others.
• Her attitude immediately changes around someone she doesn’t like… or around someone she is constantly trying to impress.
• Gossiping about others is one of her favorite hobbies.
• She lies.
• People are afraid of her. They’re afraid to speak up about her.
• She feels she is entitled to more than others that are in an equal position. She has to have the best and isn’t afraid to ask for it for herself.

This is not a full list. Trust your instincts when it comes to deciding if someone is treating you unfairly.

How Does This Make You Feel?

I imagine you’re feeling lost. Perhaps you’ve tried to be close to her and it backfired.

You don’t understand what you ever did to deserve to be treated this way.

You do not deserve to walk into a place every day that you dread going because of a girl or group of girls.

She’s spoiled and has gotten away with treating you and others like this for too long.

You need to be able to get your feelings out of your mind. The best way to do this by starting with a pen and paper.

Write down not only how you’re feeling, but the things that this mean girl may do to make you feel this way.

Who’s The Target?

Let’s identify the key players.

Option 1 – She’s doing this only to you

Are you the only one she is treating this way?

It’s possible she has singled you out for a particular reason. She may see you as being a threat and she is claiming her position ahead of you. She has to make sure that you always know your place in her book.

Maybe you did something that intimidated her long ago that you never gave a second thought to.

Don’t take this the wrong way (because we are going to fix this) – but maybe she found you weak and easily to walk over. Your weakness made her feel strong and she’s been enjoying the high she gets from putting you down ever since.

You aren’t the only one that has heard or seen what she has done to you. You need a support group that could conduct somewhat of an intervention.

Make a list of the people that you know have been around and witnessed the evil things she has said or done to you.

Option 2 – She’s doing this to other coworkers as well

Everyone is intimidated by her.

When you speak about her actions to others, you make sure no one is around that can hear because you’re afraid it may get back to her and she’ll come after you harder. She may have a great relationship with superiors because she puts on her fake act in front of them.

She doesn’t care which one of her coworkers she is bringing down on any particular day – she’ll go after nearly all of them. Everyone dreads coming to work and being around her.

Note that this may be more than one mean girl. I’ve been referring to “she” but it’s very possible “she” is “they”. No matter if it’s one girl or three girls, the behavior is unacceptable.

Make a list of all the women in the office that are ready for a change. They’ve seen the mean girl’s behavior or have been attacked themselves and want something to happen.

Be The Leader

You need to step up. It is not ok that she is treating you or your coworkers this way. We do not allow this type of behavior and certainly do not allow it for this long. The more you let her walk all over you and your coworkers, the more confident she will become with how she is acting. It will continue or even get worse. She is not your superior.

Lead the change. Looking back at our original list of mean girl traits, if she’s one or multiple items, be confident in your decision to make a change.

Gather the group of coworkers on your list and confront her. You need to be unified in your ability to speak the truth when the time comes down to being face-to-face. Make sure you have practiced what to say and everyone is on the same page. If there’s one coworker in the group that is hesitant, help her gain confidence. You all have to be determined to correct the behavior and cannot show weakness.

When the confrontation happens, let her know that she has created an environment that is not peaceful to work in. It’s a toxic environment caused by her actions. Give her examples of what she does daily that you know is disrespectful.

Scenario 1 – It Worked!

If she is apologetic and you see a change, this was the easiest way out. You’ve made a pact with the other coworkers stating that you will not allow her to walk over anyone without speaking up for yourself or those around you. You will not let her feel she has power over any of you again.

You include her in lunches with other coworkers and begin to form a bond. She starts going in the right direction – Success.

Scenario 2 – Never mind – It was a Failure! Going in Another Direction….

Well, you gave it a go. She refused to believe anything any of you said and stomped off. She said you were overreacting and she didn’t appreciate being attacked.

This is the time you take it above her. Reach out to your HR department. You need to reach out as a group and have written examples of how you feel she is creating an unworkable environment. One complaint is easily overlooked by some companies, but multiple complaints cause fear in employers. You tell them you’ll be waiting to see a change. You’ll be happy to help support in any way possible to create a better working environment.

HR or other management has talks with her. She may become quiet in the office or completely ignore everyone altogether. Awkward silence is 100 times better than a toxic environment and it’s considered a success.

Scenario 3 – Complete Failure for Second Time 🙁

You stood up more to the mean girl and nothing happened.

You repeatedly followed up with HR. Nothing happened.

Let me say this – The job that you have is not worth being treated without respect. You should not be bullied or allow yourself to be in a situation where you will be continually bullied. If this is impacting your home life or you have any type of stress from this, you should leave. It is your choice to continue to go to this environment day after day. It is your choice not to.

If you do decide to seek other employment, make sure you give yourself enough time to make the necessary preparations.

What if You’re the Mean Girl?

If you went down the list at the top of this article and found yourself relating to each of the mean girl traits; sorry, you’re the problem. The first step is admitting. Congratulations. Know that people around you should not have to tolerate the way you are acting or treating them.

The next step would be change. Check out my article on being approachable for ways you can break this cycle. You will make others more comfortable and your outlook on life will change.