Congratulations on your engagement! Wow! There’s so much to do and think about in a short period of time.
Money will play a huge role in the wedding and the rest of your lives. I want to help you start some difficult and not-so-difficult conversations with your partner prior to the big day.
There are a lot of pre-wedding money questions here to ask your fiancé. Some you may think don’t apply to your situation, but I would suggest going through each one out loud with your fiancé so you make no assumptions. You don’t want to be hit with the unexpected later in life.
Know that having some of these difficult conversations now is going to set you up for less conflict later.
It’s easy to think that you’ve talked about money before and you know where each other stands and that’s that. Or perhaps you are already living together and sharing a joint account and you believe you’re golden. I suggest you print out or share the list of these questions I’m about to present to you. You want to make sure you know 100% where you partner stands on goals, budgeting, retirement, and a handful of other topics.
Let’s Begin!
Debt
Let’s jump in with the hardest one out there – Current debt. If you’re so afraid of the debt questions that you can barely scroll past this message or you’re planning to skip this section altogether, check out this article on money communication. Here we go with the questions:
- How much is your total debt?
- Could you show me a list and I’ll show you mine?
- You don’t have a list – that’s ok! Could we make one together?
- Do you currently have a car loan?
- Do you have any student loans?
- If you do have student loans, are you currently making payments?
- Do you have multiple credit cards?
- Any department store cards?
- Do you carry a balance on any of these cards?
- If so, which ones?
- Do you know the interest rates on your debt?
- Does talking or thinking about your debt bring you anxiety?
- Do you have a plan to payoff this debt?
- Have you borrowed money from friends or family?
- If so, how often have you done this?
- Do you currently owe them anything?
- If you own a home, how much do you owe and what is it worth?
Career
You want to know what you’re getting into when it comes to your partner’s career. If they seem as though they are not secure in their career, that isn’t a reason to run. However, it is a reason to prepare yourself for what may come. Also, you want to share what kind of benefits each employer has so you know where you can combine into one (like health or dental insurance).
- What is your current salary?
- Do you see any promotions in your future (near or far)?
- What does your annual pay increases look like?
- Do you receive an annual bonus?
- If so, is the bonus at the same time every year?
- Is the amount predictable?
- How many vacation/sick days do you receive each year?
- If you don’t use all the days, can you cash them in or do they roll over?
- If you use too many days, can you borrow from next year?
- How secure are you in your career?
- Meaning, are you happy with what you do?
- Do you feel like your superiors are happy with the work you do?
- Do you like your superiors?
- Do you like the people you work with?
- Would you ever consider going back to school?
- Does your company offer any type of tuition reimbursement plan?
- Do you have life insurance through your work?
- Life insurance outside of work?
- What about disability insurance?
- Could you tell me all the insurances your company offers?
- Do you have health/dental/vision insurance through your work?
- When we are married, should one of us switch to the other one’s health/dental/vision insurance?
- What are your thoughts on side hustles or second jobs?
- Do you contribute to your employer’s 401(k) plan?
- Could you be relocated?
- If your currently employer asked you to take a job in another state, would you accept?
- Do you think you’ll retire from this company?
Parents
Even if your fiancé doesn’t currently speak to their parents, you need to know some financial history here. There could come a time when your partner needs to care for or help them out.
- How were/are your parents with money?
- Do you feel as though your parents are saving for their retirement properly?
- Do you worry about your parents future finances?
- How are your parents’ health?
- When do your parents plan to retire?
- Do your parents ever ask you for money?
- Have you ever let them borrow money?
- If so, how often and how much?
- Have you ever let them borrow money?
- Does anyone else in your family ever ask you for money?
- If so, same questions. Have you let them borrow money, how often, and how much?
- Do you know if your parents have plans to help pay for any of the wedding expenses?
- When your parents pass, do you know what their wishes are?
Everyday Budgeting
Even if you aren’t combining your finances in a joint account, you need to know how the other person is handling their finances. Once you are married, it is our money.
- Do you have a budget for weekly/monthly expenses?
- What do you think is ok to splurge on?
- What do you not like to splurge on and feel is a waste of money? (Example: Going out to eat too often)
- Addiction is a strong word, but do you feel like you have any when it comes to spending money? Shopping, travel, gambling, etc…?
- Do you save for yearly vacations well in advance?
- What type of investment accounts do you have outside of the company 401(k)?
- Are we going to combine our incomes and debts once we are married?
- Will our expenses come out of a shared account or will we split items?
- What is your budget for:
- Eating Out?
- Groceries?
- Cell Phone?
- Can we combine plans to save money?
- How often do you buy a new car?
- Do you buy new or used? What does your budget look like for a car?
- How many miles does your current car have?
- How much is your car insurance (hoping you don’t have a horrible driving record)?
- What percentage of your income is your mortgage or rent payment?
The Not-So-Far-Off Future
Children, home, etc… You most likely know how your partner feels about children, but people change and so do their expectations for the future. You may believe your partner has plans to always rent, but would children change their mind about that?
- Do you want children?
- If you do want children, do you have an expectation of when you would want to begin trying?
- Would adoption be an option you would consider?
- Do you see one of us staying home with the children?
- What type of education do you want the children to have?
- Private or public schools?
- What is your credit score?
- Do you want to own a home?
- If you do own a home, what is your mortgage payment?
- What kind of equity do you have in the home?
- Do we know what our future living arrangements will be once we are married?
- How attached are you to your current home?
- If you don’t own a home (or if you want to eventually move), what type of home would you like?
- Where would your perfect home be located?
Retirement
You may be young and retirement isn’t at the top of the list when you sit down and talk finances. However, the choices you make when it comes to saving for retirement when you are young can significantly impact your future retirement age. If you’re older, this is even more important as there will need to be some catch up contributions if you’re disappointed with the answers to some of these questions.
- Have you started saving for your retirement?
- What type of retirement accounts do you have?
- What type of matching contribution does your company 401(k) offer?
- Do you know when you’d like to retire? Do you have a target date?
- Do you know where your retirement dream home would be?
- What does your dream retirement home look like?
- Do you know how much you will need to retire?
- What does a single day in your perfect retirement world look like?
The Wedding
We’re at the final set of questions. These are focused on the actual wedding and the planning that leads up to it. You can easily spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on your dream destination wedding. You need to know up front what your partner is expecting and/or hoping for.
- When would you like to get married?
- How are we going to pay for the wedding?
- As previously asked, do our parents have any plans to contribute to the costs?
- What kind of wedding venue would you like?
- How much do you think we should budget for my dress?
- How many people should we invite?
- Where would you like to go on our honeymoon?
- What is our honeymoon budget?
- Have you considered a prenup?
- Should we adjust the timeline of the wedding so that we have more time to save?
- Are there any big expenses (like the purchase of a home) we want to make soon after the wedding?
- What do you believe the total cost of the wedding will be?
- Add at least 20% because you are forgetting something.
- Is this amount achievable or do you need to look into where you can trim?
Going through this list may take some time. Some of it may be difficult. However, knowing how your fiancé will respond to each and every one of these questions is crucial and could eliminate a lot of future headaches. You want to feel financially secure and know where your partner stands.
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